Thursday, 15 January 2009

Sooooooooooooo

Okay.

Hi there people! :-D

I ummmmm....... yeah. Me and Rachel.

Where to start? Things with the Welsh lady went downhill last week. She was getting the typical Lesbian commitment thing. And I just couldn't cope with the level of commitment she wanted from me, with the distance involved. so I cooled it off there.

Then I slept with David. Which was probably the most stupid thing I could have done ever. I dunno... it was like...the moment worked for us, but I feel so awful just thinking about it.

I bought series 1-5 of The L Word on DVD the other day. I was watching it on Tuesday - trying to take my mind of the Awful toothache I had been suffering from. Rachel comes into my room, rolls us a spliff, then proceeds to get quite into the L word.
In fact, it turns out that she has the hots for Shane (who I look and act quite similar too sometimes) and that watching Lesbian sex really turns her on. We watched about 5 episodes, then she crawls into bed with me to cuddle up and watch another episode before bed.

We start watching an episode. She starts complaining about the lack of sex. I go on a mission, and put on the first episode of season 2 (where Shane and Carmen fuck for the first time).

She's lying in front of me, my arms are around her, and I can't even concentrate on Shane and Carmen now. Her fingers start tracing lines up and down my arm, and I start stroking her stomach.... before I know it, I have my head between her legs.

Jesus, she has such a beautiful body.

She stayed in my room all night, fell asleep in my arms. I watched her sleep for a while, tooth still killing me. Then I fell asleep. I woke up next to her. Made her a brew and a cig.

Spent the whole day freaking out.

Then she ended up back in my room last night. Nothing major happened. A few little kisses. Much cuddling. She'd had a bad day, and needed the comfort I think.

She's already told me she's staying in my bed again tonight.

*sigh*

So there you go, that's what happened :-) Sorry guys, I didn't actually realise people paid attention :-P

I really don't know what to do with this. I'm just going with the flow for now, because I don't want to mess it up. I don't know if anything will progress from it.
Anyone got any advice?

She's the closest person in the world to me. And I am to her. She's not a bitch, and I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me. but I'm still worried that the outcome will be painful. She's my soul mate. It'd be so much worse if she ended up hurting over this too.

Kit x

I forgot. We were watching the first series where Bette and Tina are tring for a baby. She asked me if I would have a baby with her, like they did.
She really wants children.
We've talked about her having a baby before. That I'd be the cool auntie who wasn't actually related, but who may as well be.
We talked about how I'd be there to help her bring it up, and how I'd support her in everyway possible.
Now she wants it to be 'us' having a child. She wants us to do the insemination and everything.

...I can't think of a better way to spend my life to be honest.

2 comments:

lesbo blogger said...

Hmmm.. This is tough. Really tough. I feel like she obviously cares about you in a more than friendly way.. Is she just liking the idea of having someone to come home to and he with but doesn't want to commit?

But we all know how delightfully delicious it feels to sleep with someone you've been yearning for for what seemslike ages. THAT I give you kudos on :)

Can't wait to hear more as time goes on!

kimber p said...

just a stranger with a lot of experience commenting here..nothing to lose or gain by commenting, except to tell you that this whole situation smells, reeks actually, of heartache. For you. Being an experiment, no matter how delicious it seems at the time, never ends well. Add a child you'll lose your heart to into the mix and there's a whole crapload of stuff that can go wrong. Stuff that will keep you up at night....
I've seen it enough times to be able to point out where the landmines are..it's your choice whether to step around it or on top of it...... wish you well :)